For a substantial part of my school life, I remember feeling like a deeply flawed human being. I felt as if everything about me was so inherently wrong that nobody would ever want to talk to me, let alone befriend me in school.

Honestly, I have always had trouble fitting in—I have always been that silent kid at the back of the classroom who barely talked with anyone. 

But,

Is conforming to the standards the society has set for ourselves the be-all and end-all? 

Should we give society the power to dictate to us what to do and what to be? Shouldn’t we be the sole decider of our life choices?

Now that it has been about four years since I’ve stepped out of school, and can vouch that I’m not the same watered-down version of myself anymore, I realize (after many trials and errors) that My Not Fitting In School or with My Peers or Anywhere Else WAS NOT a Flaw.

It sure was a tough ride, to live with a majority of people not approving of my life choices…but when I look back, I don’t think it was that bad of a deal.

Conversely, not following the herd and carving your own path can be one of the biggest blessings of your life if you learn to embrace it without getting the guilt trip.

Because

Not fitting in provides you with more time to focus on things that actually mean something to you.

Imagine if Bill Gates, Mark Zukerberg, or Jeff Bezos had conformed to the norm and wasted their time in doing things according to the society’s perception of what looked “normal,” then they definitely wouldn’t have been where they are today.

Similarly, if Aditi Deshpande went to school regularly like a “normal” kid, invested her time in socializing extensively with her peers instead of investing that time in learning the craft of writing then she wouldn’t have completed writing a novel! (I know, it’s a very lame example…but you get the point I’m trying to make, right?) 😛 

Well, jokes apart, writing a book isn’t as easy it seems—it isn’t a walk in the park. You have to sit down every day with your thoughts in front of a screen and get it all down in a way that actually makes sense. And, the worst part is you can’t just do it for a couple of days and be done with it. Writing is a process that you have to keep doing until the work gets complete, which takes a lot of time and effort. And, I kid you not, completing a book takes YEARS of hard work and consistency. (I’m kinda glad now that I wasn’t consistent in school. All those bunks and sleep-in days to read novels are finally paying off!). 😛

Digressing,

The need to belong is so massive that people often choose to do what everyone else around them is doing (the so-called “normal” we have set for ourselves) and try their best to fit in the picture. Even, the need to “belong” has duly been recognized by Abraham Maslow who gave it a place in his “Hierarchy of Needs.”

But Dr Brené Brown also has a point to make in this regard. According to him, “Fitting in is the greatest barrier to belonging,” which I think is kind of the truth.

Consider “Fitting in” to be like a slow poison—it does nothing more than to help you suppress your true identity while also pushing you to achieve a false sense of belonging that can dwell within you for years to come and can be converted into spasms of repentance at any point of time…which in turn will make you question yourself: Where would I be right now if I had not followed the herd?

Fitting in is more like putting a harness on a horse to restrict it from moving forward. Whereas, “Not fitting In” is more like letting the horse loose and allowing it to decide for itself where it wants to go. 

Choosing to free the horse can definitely be risky, and can cause it to wander far away from its place and get lost. But eventually, with time, it will learn to find its way back home. And that one decision is what makes all the difference—either taking the risk and wandering or choosing to stay risk-free (one might like to think so) at one place for a lifetime.

Normalcy is rather a relative concept. What seems normal to you might not seem normal to others. And, this understanding alone can explain how deeply distorted society’s pressing need to conform is.

But that does not mean that you have to be a rebel in everything just because it’s good to stand out. If you keep doing that, you might also trip there too.

The key is to showcase your authentic self to the world and have no remorse in carving your own path.

I know standing against the tide is much harder, but most times, it is totally worth it!

Remember the famous quote by Franklin Roosevelt, “a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor?” — this one quite aptly fits here, in this context!

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So, take it as a token of love from me, and don’t EVER dare to sell yourself short. 

Put yourself first before others.

Embrace your misfits. Embrace all your quirks and flaws.

Be your true, authentic self and forget about the world.

Because

There is no one out there in the Universe who is as unique as YOU!

And, remember that you don’t have to isolate yourself from people in order to “Not Fit In,” just as I did in my teen years. :))

Truck Loads of Love,

“When I was Younger, Not Fitting in felt like a Flaw. Now it feels like Freedom.”

– John Mark Green

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